Hilo

Hilo moon of Kaulua month

It is 7:22 in the morning, and I am still recovering from yesterday. I returned to life drawing, because I missed it, and perhaps in missing it and returning, I realize the classes are not sustainable for my body.  I also dropped into the ceramics class.

  I found words coming out of my mouth and my body eating things it did not enjoy eating and taking in the stories of others and found my body went completely and totally haywire. 

I felt raw, I felt discombobulated, and after a second lunch, I went to bed, and stayed in bed arising to participate in a group, and then trying a meditation group, and plugging into mindless television, which I did not like.

These are unprecedented times, and my body is wanting to embrace the activities that nurture spaciousness and ease without hurting my body.

So while I love the art that came out of the class, if the price was being too wiped out to go to my other classes, then I think, I want to avoid the classes, this makes sense to me, somehow.

an email to a friend: 

Aloha mai Fred:

I canʻt say I enjoyed the class yesterday.

Yes, it was incredible to tap into that space of being a conduit of expression, but at what cost to the physical body?

I think, for me personally, it is time to engage with activities that do not cause the nervous system to go haywire.

After the life drawing experience, the energy in the room, it was too much for my system. I realize, that I work energetically to block off the thoughts of other people in order to create an inner quiet place to channel the authentic voice.

I also was creeped out by the male gaze towards women. When I draw from the model, the model becomes more than a human sexualized form.

I also went to a bit of the ceramics class and found afterwards I was a complete and utter energetic mess.

What makes sense, moving forward, in these unprecedented times, is to perhaps do a lot less, and engage in activity that does not accentuate turbulence in a world increasingly chaotic.

Calm, ease, poetry.

I did not like missing my Hawaiian classes either.

ʻoey vey...

I am also questioning, what is the purpose of making art in this moment? Are there other tasks perhaps more important.